


Philia

by theladystrikesagain



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Character Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Short One Shot, but we're doing our best so, feat. the other two deaths of Loki, so idk wtf is going on, this was an emotion packed post-infinity war movie drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-06 20:35:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18395879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theladystrikesagain/pseuds/theladystrikesagain
Summary: In the end, Loki dies loving his brother.





	Philia

**Author's Note:**

> I've had a plan + a rough draft for this typed out since coming home from seeing Infinity War, which is kind of embarrassing at this point. We getting through our unfinished drafts in 2019, lads.

The first time Loki dies, he lets go of a hand and shatters Thor's entire world.

There's a roar far off in the distance, splitting through the darkness dimming the universe around him. It continues on and on, echoing across the Bifrost where Thor is still planted, arm stretched out taut as if time would reverse and bring the bridge's lost treasure back to him.

It's only when Heimdall, strong Heimdall, lays a heavy hand on his shoulder that Thor realises the sound is coming from him.

"Your highness," he starts. When Thor turns to look at him, sorrow and relief and something else Thor can't quite place ripples across his face. It sparks something ugly deep inside his belly. "My deepest condolences -"

"You are glad of his death." There's a familiar hum of electricity in the air. Thor doesn't attempt to fight it.

"No, my prince - "

"It's the truth, no? He was evil. He committed treason, he hurt our people, so truth be told, his death is easier on all of us. Right, Heimdall?" His right arm, still stiff from hanging off the Bifrost, is more than enough to lift the Protector from his perch. "I know it is our duty to vanquish any threat to the Nine Realms. I don't care. He was my brother. He was _my brother_."

Heimdall, keeping his hand on Thor's shoulder, inclines his head and says nothing more.

There's a part of Thor that dies along with his little brother, a part that never returns, even when Loki does.

 

* * *

 

The second time Loki dies, there's purpose in his step and a familiar hunger for glory flashing in his eyes, so intense that Thor mistakes it for being directed towards someone else _("I didn't do it for him")_. Light falls and weapons clash hard, too hard, and not even the turmoil raging between them and the dying embers of their relationship - on the precipice of turning family into mortal enemies - can stop Thor from launching himself down beside his brother.

A swing of Mjolnir is all it takes to fell the enemies surrounding them, but by then, it's too late. Thor stares, uncomprehendingly, at the mass in front of him, at the pale skin and unseeing eyes and the still mask of death settling on his face, twisted forever with conviction to the sky above.

This time, with Loki's blood soaking his clothes and the wisps of a greater enemy clouding in the horizon, he doesn't think he can go on.

"We have to keep going," Jane whispers next to him. Distantly, Thor feels her shaking hand holding his arm. "Thor. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But we have to go."

 

* * *

 

The last time Loki dies, his face is contorted into a purple, gasping mess, slow rivulets of blood erupting from every orifice as the mad titan chokes out the last vestiges of life from his body.

The only betrayal here this time is that Loki had stolen away with the tesseract. Any other time, Thor would rage and roar, and Loki would throw his barbs and tell him this was _obviously_ an indicator of just how garbage Thor was at being both a leader and an older brother, and the two would refuse to speak to one another until Brunnhilde inevitably got sick of the both of them and knocked their heads together.

He would forgive him this a hundred times over, a thousand times over, if only Loki were to survive this.

 _This is not happening._ The thought echoes in his head numbly, even as he watches pain etch its way onto the lines of Loki's still face. He shuts his eye so that he can see no more. _This is but a bad dream. I will wake up tomorrow and say something buffoonish and Loki will throw his bread at me. I will welcome it. There is no way this is happening._

This was Loki. Loki, who had faked his own death before, who had seen the misery his actions had brought onto Thor time and time again, and who thought nothing of doing it again.

_"No resurrections this time."_

Thor would not pain himself with a broken heart again. Not when Loki would simply reappear at his own leisure, waltzing back into Thor's life with nary a care at the devastation he had wrought.

The ship around him shudders and croaks its death rattle. Thor crawls forward, slowly, slowly inching his way forward, eye focused on one goal.

_"Loki…"_

Cracks begin to form underneath him. An engine, having powered through the entirety of the assault, splutters its last. A window to the left of him shatters inward.

Loki's chest is so very still underneath his palm.

 _To learn and to grow cold, or to forgive and to lose heart, which would be the cruellest jape, which the greatest loss?_ Thor cradles Loki's head close, blood beginning to soak into his clothes, and slowly sinks them both down. When the explosion comes, he does not feel it.

_I still do not know, brother._

**Author's Note:**

> Come be in denial with me over Loki's death on my [tumblr](https://theladystrikesagain.tumblr.com)


End file.
